1 John 4:7
"Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God."
I’ve learned that love is not just about the feel good moments. Love will cause you to stretch, take you places you never knew you were capable of going, and push you through doors you thought you had no business going through, only to realise that the door was meant for you to open. It’ll cause you to grow, push you out of your comfort zone,; make you reach for dreams you’ve placed on the shelf a long time ago because you let yourself believe that some dreams are just not meant to be.
When I first started coming to Relate, I would often hear people comment that their first impression of me was that I was a quiet, confident, young man. I never had the courage, or the humility, to tell them how wrong they were. Well… They’re mostly correct about the quiet part. You see, when I first walked through the doors of Relate Church, I was a broken mess. I was so good at putting on the façade of a confident, young man because I’ve had over a decade of practice putting it on every morning; hiding the cracks with a thin veneer called false self-confidence. Can any of you relate?
Growing up, it was like I lived three different selves. My first self was the one I would show my family when I was at home. I was the obedient child, straight “A” student who never got into trouble. I was the child who would fix his bed in the morning because mom said it’s what I’m supposed to do. And so I did.
My second self was the one I would show my friends. The sarcastic, callous boy who was too tough to get his feelings hurt by recklessly thrown words. The boy who can take a punch to the stomach and not even flinch. The boy who can silence a room with a death stare. Yes… I was that boy.
My third self is what I refer to as my genuine self. It was the ME that I wasn’t comfortable sharing with others. It was the ME that only appeared behind closed doors, when no one else was around. The ME who loves to draw, read, write, and day dream. The ME that I kept hidden because I had to be perfect (which I’m not) and tough (True story, I bawl my eyes out every time I watch the beginning of Up) and immune to failure (which I often did). Can anyone here relate?
Looking back at the past decade, I can see how much I’ve grown; how far I’ve come from that confused kid who wanted to please everyone. When we look back at our lives, we can often pinpoint key figures who have played roles in shaping us into the person we are today. Although I can write a whole novel about all the people who have touched and made a difference in my life, I would like to focus on two particular people.
Ricardo Duran, and Ben Liu.
The years that I attended their small group, I learned the following:
Ricardo taught me persistence and consistency. He also taught me that a leader didn’t have to be perfect. He taught me that it was okay to have problems, and be open with it and share with people; that being vulnerable wasn’t a sign of weakness, but of strength. Over the years of him being my leader, I witnessed him share his struggles, and I watched him walk through it with God.
Ben taught me it’s okay to be loud. He was the king of dad jokes, even before he became a dad. He also taught me what worship is. I remember coming to small group one evening after a bad day at work. I remember being upset, angry, and not knowing where or who to turn to. I remember closing my eyes during praise and worship; it was something I’ve never done before. I remember getting lost in the songs and suddenly the words, “Lead me to the cross” weren’t just words anymore. They carried weight. When I opened my eyes, both my arms were up in the air; I don’t remember ever lifting them up. I remember feeling the presence of the Holy Spirit for the very first time that evening, and it changed me.
Today I find myself leading a small group. This small group is their legacy. Over the years of them being my leaders, not only did I regard them as friends, but as spiritual brothers. Ben, Ricardo, I’ve never expressed this in person, and I apologize for that, but if you’re reading this, I hope that you both know how much you’ve influenced my life. You took a broken kid who kept everything inside, and you taught him courage.
When I hear the words “love one another”, I imagine a picture of people lifting each other up. I can honestly say that I wouldn't be where I am today if it wasn't for my church family. I’m a first generation Christian, and I pray that I get to influence other people’s lives the way that so many of you at Relate have influenced mine. I have so many stories I want to share, but I don’t want this to get TOO long. If you’re ever at Relate Church, come drop by at Guest Services! I’d be more than happy to share my stories with you.
BRYAN CALARA
