A man of sorrows, acquainted with grief.
This isn’t a particularly attractive descriptor of a person, and yet I can’t help but find such comfort in these words spoken about Jesus in Isaiah 53:3. They make me feel safe, like I could almost climb into the person of Jesus, wrap myself in his robe, and know that he understands the indescribable ache of grief my heart sometimes holds.
This is our Jesus: hope personified, and yet acquainted with grief.
Many of us, too, find ourselves acquainted with grief over the holidays. The absence of those we have lost feels bigger somehow, more prevalent, more fresh. Relational brokenness is exacerbated, small cracks grown into an impossibly wide chasm. Memories resurface, longings remind us of what we lack, and the ache of grief weighs.
When I think of this, I think of Jesus’ entry into this world. A dark night. A stable. A labour. Painful contractions and rapid breath, cold sweat and warm tears. A body writhing in the effort of birth and, in an instant, hope bursts forth. The king is born, and he cries out. God in the form of a baby.
Christmas is a season of joy and cheer, and for good reason. Our saviour is born, and we have every reason to rejoice. The temptation to deny pain and hardship is high as we consider the goodness of the birth of our Christ. However, we would be remiss to remove grief as we prepare him room in this advent season, for it is our grief that reminds us of why Christ was born. The world needs a saviour, and we are desperately needy for him.
It is a good and right thing to honour our losses, and if you are feeling the ache this holiday season please know that you are not alone. We are with you, and we are praying for you. More than that though, Jesus, who knows sorrow and has felt grief, is with you.
Because grief can be a tricky, heavy thing, here are some ways you might honour it in this season:
Grief rituals are activities that help externalize the feelings of grief. They can be simple, like lighting a candle in honour of your loss, or they can be more elaborate, like partaking in an activity that reminds you of a person you miss. Googling “grief rituals” might give you some ideas.
Speaking of grief rituals, we plan to gather for The Longest Night, a reflective Christmas service specifically tailored for grief and loss, on December 20th in Abbotsford and December 21st in Surrey. It will be a time of contemplation and worship, and we will partake in a communal grief ritual together. (Find more information and registration at relatechurch.ca/events)
If your grief is centred around the loss of a loved one, make plans to honour old traditions this season that remind you of them.
Similarly, create new traditions and put them on the calendar. It’ll be something to look forward to, and it can help create new meaning in the holiday season.
Volunteering at a shelter or non-profit organization, or doing something meaningful for someone else, can foster a sense of purpose. (If you’re looking for ideas, check out relatechurch.ca/communityreach)
Plan ahead for events that may bring up difficult emotions. A family dinner, or workplace gathering, or the yearly tree-trimming could trigger grief for different reasons, depending on your loss. Being aware that grief may surface can help you ride the waves of it.
